Since early childhood I have been a daredevil and earned the nickname “Crash” by the time I was three-years-old. Finding trouble to get into and getting hurt in the process was something I was great at; it created a sense of pride for myself. Most of my life I have ORGANIZED CHAOS for myself and those around me.
This chaos was manageable – and a lot of the time fun – but did not create any severe consequences until I was involved in a fatal car accident when I was 23-years-old in 2000 that killed a friend of mine and led to the amputation of my right leg. From that point on, the ORGANIZED CHAOS turned into UNORGANIZED DISORDER. This was primarily due to 10+ years of undiagnosed PTSD, on-going depression, severe anxiety, topped with untreated alcohol and substance abuse. This cocktail created much suffering for myself, my family and many others around me.
Over the last several years it has been my personal mission to finally face myself and the issues that have held me back from achieving my full potential. This self-examination has required multiple in-patient treatment visits, several years of psychotherapy, trauma-specific therapy and a thorough review of the life-changing benefits of a 12-step program like Alcoholics Anonymous.
Today, being clean and sober, it is my intention to use this forum to share with readers how and what I am doing to continue to organize the chaos of my everyday life. As I begin this chapter of sharing my thoughts, feelings and struggles publicly, I ask my Higher Power to use my experience, strength and hope for the betterment of the world.